Shed Sexual Shame (and Your Clothes Along the Way)
Imagine – you’re coming out of your shower in your bathroom. you’re completely naked. and as you reach for your towel you see your naked body – and no the mirror isn’t foggy…
What is the first thing you think?
Have you ever looked at your genitals in the mirror?
You might be blushing a little bit, or squirming in your seat. and why is this? We look at our face thousands of times a day. We spend money getting our hair cut, colored and styled. Mirrors in our gymnasiums and yoga studios to make sure our form is correct. If its covered by underwear we don’t look at it
It’s called sexual shame. The shame about who, when, how you want to have sex.
Ultimately for all of us our bodies and genitals are a source of shame.
What is shame? That little voice inside your head. That little voice muffles you from speaking your truth. Your truth about what you want, need, and deserve with your partner. Your truth about having a connection.
Humans crave connection. It allows us to know we’re not alone. It binds us together and allows us to experience each other at higher levels.
Even places we seek connection can give us messages of sexual same.
Be curious about where your own messages come from. Some of the most painful come from our peers.
Sex is used to sell everything from candy to car tires and yet we can’t even look at ourselves in the mirror.
Get to know what your body looks like. We could all pick our faces up out of a lineup – could you pick out your penis or volva?
Once you know what you look like, be able to name your body parts properly. Get comfortable talking about it with your partner.
Dr. Alyse Kelly-Jones is nationally recognized speaker on obstetrics & gynecology, as well as female sexual health issues. She has testified before Federal Drug Agency investigative committees in support of Addyi, a newly developed medicine designed to help women suffering from hypoactive sexual desire disorder. An iron-distance triathlete, Dr. Kelly-Jones also founded Tri It For Life, an all-volunteer organization, dedicated to mentoring and training women to compete in their first triathlon. Over 2,500 athletes have completed their first race with Tri It For Life and have made live-long friendships and found new fitness along the way. She guides the vision for this organization with chapters in Charlotte, Huntersville, Raleigh and Charleston.
Born in Iowa City, IA, Dr. Kelly-Jones soon moved with her family to Melbourne, Florida, where she grew up as an athlete and academic leader. She said she has wanted to be an OB/GYN since she was in third grade. She attended the University of Florida, graduated from its College of Medicine and arrived in Charlotte in 1999 to join Mintview Women’s Care. She currently serves as the managing partner for her group. She is married to the fabulous Richard Jones and mother to their three amazing children, Rich, Ben and Nate.